The One with the Friends

Something happened to me this week which made me question one of the friendships I have had for over twenty-five years. As a journalist I believe it is crucial to be able to see both sides of the story.  There have been times in my life when this has been tested and I have been unable to see a way forward, however over time, usually any ill-feelings have subsided and relationships have either resumed or the paths widen and you go your separate ways. Sometimes we simply cannot understand the other person's point of view and often, we absolutely shouldn't.

You will no doubt have seen the Instagram posts advising you to rid your life of those who don't bring you joy; those who bleed you dry, who take and never give.  It is true.  And in the run up to my 45th birthday, I understand myself more than ever, which also means I have no regrets about removing toxic people from my life.  Harsh?  As I read this back to myself, in black and white, yes, it sounds harsh but there is something called self preservation. And as we live through highly stressful and challenging times, there is only room in my life for those who really do bring me joy.

I will admit here (shamelessly knowing some of my friends will be reading this) that I haven't always been the best at staying in touch with people.  There have been times when I have closed myself off from the world, preferring to keep my demons to myself, as opposed to letting those who genuinely love me, help.  But as true friends, they will always be by my side and perhaps the most important part of this for me as that those friends haven't judged me.

The best thing about age is wisdom

Since lockdown began ten days ago, I have been in touch with my close circle, much more than I usually would, and it is helping me so much.

I have been in communication with a relatively new friend, whom I have known just over two years.  She is straight talking (in a wise way) and incredibly thoughtful.  She made me laugh this week by telling me that every time she sees a boiled egg it reminds her of our beach picnic in Eastbourne, where she prepared bread and hard boiled eggs for us, when we couldn't decide which cafe to go to - we made our own lunch and it was so much more fun, sitting out on the shingle beach in the fresh sea air with a flask of coffee.

Another friend has told me of dog walking tales this week. Frayed tempers in these testing times resulted in her being shouted at by a silver-haired cyclist for not seeing him as she ran with her puppy along the seafront, wearing headphones. After they almost collided, a tirade of expletives came out of the cyclist’s mouth, to which my friend admitted - in a manner most unlike her - she screamed at the pensioner that he shouldn't even BE outside.  My laughter after hearing this was not because of what was said, but picturing my friend, who is so mild-mannered, taking on a new 'Corona Persona'.

There was the Facetime I had with my old school pal, whom I've known since I was 4 years old, as she lounged in self isolation in her luxury apartment in the Middle East after returning from the UK recently; her bosses told her she was not allowed to return to the office for 14 days.  She joked with me sarcastically that having to stay indoors and self isolate for a whole two weeks would be near impossible for her as we laughed and gossiped some more and debated whether we could watch the whole of the film "Funny Girl" without Barbara Streisand getting on our nerves. 

There was the telephone chat I had with my friend in the Midlands, who hadn't responded to the voicemail I had left the day before, who I was checking up on out of worry for this unusual behaviour; turns out Vodafone had been the cause of the problem, but we managed to chew the fat about our respective lives and how, despite the fact we are financially worlds apart, we will still face the same challenges ahead.  It's all relative, after all. 

There was the timely periodical message I received from a former neighbour in his seventies, who was checking we were all managing during the lockdown.  His words always charming and filled with fun.

There was the Facetime with my niece, who was dressed in her Police outfit, which she delighted in telling me the tie was painted onto the shirt and not real.  The innocence of a primary school child who also told me her Daddy wasn't very clever because in their earlier maths session he didn't know what 30+30 was.

 

My newest friendship came from organising a Swish

I have also had regular contact from another very new friend, whom I met whilst trying to get my clothes swapping events (they will still go ahead!) off the ground.  We met up in a local café in February to discuss the plans and she has become a very special person to me through our little chats.  In her email to me yesterday she said she was going to meet up with a friend in Brighton online and drink wine together, as though they were in each other’s company in person.  It sounded wonderful.

Over the last ten days I have had Facetime chats with members of my family up in Yorkshire and telephone and Skype chats with friends in other parts of the world and some pretty much living on my doorstep.  Catching up with these people, some of whom have been part of my life for many, many years and some for just a few short months or years, has reaffirmed to me just how good it is to talk.  And how friends and family are vital as we prepare for the UK peak of the pandemic.

There will inevitably be times during this period when we find ourselves being tested by those close to us and the majority of these relationships, due to their strength, will survive the tugs of war due to both parties willing that to happen.  That 50/50 element is what reveals to us the true measure of any relationship.  Our constants will remain as such.

Hold these wonderful people near to you (metaphorically - you're not allowed to actually do this) and remember that when we are all finished with this horrible business, when we see our loved ones and dearest friends once more, those hugging and touching restrictions will be lifted and we may indeed have to let out a few very grateful tears.